Crying Slytherins: The Pain and Art of Love and Wa
by Valie
Summary: Some relationships are to hide. When Pansy and Hermione's relationship is discovered, what kind of effect will it have on the rest of the school? And most importantly how it effect the girls themselves? Pansy's POV. femslash/shoujo-ai! Hermione/Pansy


**A/N:** This is a spin-off of my _'__Crying Slytherins'_ fanfic I wrote awhile back. I was really proud of that fish and decided to continue it. Since this film is about what happens _after_ Hermione and Pansy begin dating, I made it into a separate fic. As well, this version will not contain strong sexual scenes, so sorry to disappoint you. However, I am writing a separate version of this fic entitled _'Crying Slytherins: The Pain and Art of Love, Sex, and War'_ that does contain strong sexual scenes, but I like this one better.

**Warnings:** Shoujo-ai girl/girl love and angst. No bitching about the lesbianism because you've been warned about it! XP Dumb flamers . . .

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**Crying Slytherins: The Pain and Art of Love and War**

**Chapter 1: The Beginning of Something Else**

I knew there was a problem when people began to whisper as I passed them in the halls, the Great Hall, and even the common room. Then the glares from both sexes and from all houses began to cloud the corners of my eyes. Hermione came to me one day, wide-eyed, and confirmed what I had suspected: Everyone knew about Hermione and me. The Slytherin and Gryffindor Head Girls were dating; everyone knew. How? Well, the story differed depending whom you asked. Millicent heard it from Blaise, who said he had heard it from a fifth year Gryffindor and so on. Hermione was confronted by Ron, whom had heard it from a group of sixth year Hufflepuff girls. Things were not pretty.

It was not long before we had enemies, despite never having officially admitted our relationship to anyone. Draco Malfoy seemed to take the utmost offense; surprisingly, so did Ron Weasley. Soon began a small war amongst not only Draco and Ron against us, but as well a large war between themselves. There is no way to understand why the choices of two people had ignited such a heated situation, especially when we had no real say in what was happening. Boys shall be boys I suppose, but Hermione would lecture me if she heard me say that kind of thing. Either way, it was only a matter of time before either party would make their move on us; so we fled to Dumbledore on Hermione's persistence.

To say I was not fond of the Headmaster wouldn't exactly do justice to how I really felt. I suppose the Slytherin persona kept out whenever he was near, but I contain myself. My dear girlfriend was under enough strain as it was. Not only was there a now small war between Slytherin and Gryffindor within the walls of Hogwarts; outside as well, raged a much larger war between humanity and the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord had gained considerable power within the time he had returned, but I never understood his purpose. What would it matter to have all the muggles dead and only 'dark wizards' left to roam the earth? Why the bother? It was not like he was going to live forever. What would he rightly get out of it? A quick pang of arousal? Ugh, that is a rather disturbing thought.

Back to the matter within Hogwarts, Hermione and I found ourselves facing the long bearded fool of a headmaster. He gazed at us as if we were barely visible as Hermione's talented mouth quickly informed him of our situation. When she had stopped, appearing as though she had just taken her first breath ever, Dumbledore steepened his fingers and stared at us in silence for a moment.

"Well . . . ?" I finally asked impatiently, earning a sharp jab in my arm from the Gryffindor at my side.

He smiled. "Well, now that I have the full story, I propose we should separate you from the rest of your classmates until tempers cool down. I give you the option of either being under the care of Sybil Trelawney in the Astronomy Tower . . . " Hermione and I both sneered. "Or hiding out in the dungeons with Professor Snape." Hermione scowled with disgust, but I smiled. Professor Snape had not acted differently toward us, although I suspected he'd been a little harsher than usual with Hermione; I felt safe with Snape. My beloved however had an honestly hard decision to make. From what she had told me during our private conversations during after hours in the classroom she had first confessed her heart to me, she had difficulty deciding which one she despised more. As I watched her wrinkle her nose, clearly deep in thought, I couldn't help feel sorry for her.

For the first time, since the rumors had begun about us, I had noticed how distraught she had been. As much I wished I could reach out to her and assure everything would be okay, I never could. Emotions were still not my cup of tea. She had taught me how to cry. Bloody hell, she even taught me how to be happy without being cruel. However, she had failed to teach me empathy; which I desperately wished I had then. Her troubled face and mind had gone ignored because I could not express my feelings well, much less know how to comfort others. Grasping her hands, I pressed my forehead against hers, rewarded by a deep blush on her face. The only time we were this close was when we kissed or spent our night hours together with nothing but each other for warmth. I did not kiss her, though I honestly wanted to.

"We should stay with Professor Snape, love. You two may not exactly get along, but so long as I am by you, I will keep you safe and assure you he will not bother you as much," I said, smiling when I finished.

"Very well, Pansy." She smiled back, a small sigh left her lips and grazed mine.

"Good, then I shall send for Severus and inform him of the situation" Dumbledore broke in, killing our happy little moment. Did I mention how I loathed him?

So within a short time, we were holed up in our own chamber in the dungeons. It had been decided best we stayed in the same room, which we did not argue a word about. Oddly, I could've sworn I caught Dumbledore give a small smile and wink to Hermione, but when I looked carefully it had disappeared.

Right now I was lying quietly on the queen size bed that was so thoughtfully included with the room. Hermione was busy placing our possessions, which had been in the room already when Snape brought us here, in proper order. She did not have to do it, but she was nervous; she had to do something. Perhaps I could not rightly say I knew Hermione well enough, for we had only been dating for two and a half month, but I knew enough to say that the idea of sharing a room with me was the main trigger of her anxiety. Smiling, I took no offense at the knowledge. Hermione trusted me, and I trusted her. It was simply the intimacy factor that uneased her. Despite her brash behaviour two and a half month prior, Hermione Granger was fearful of being so close to me for too long. She feared that I would learn her bad habits or perhaps become tired of her. Very little could push me to stop loving her for such trivial things. Not even the knowledge that she had once gone to bed with Ronald -- though the idea still uneased me, as well as amused me, at times.

My breath suddenly caught in my throat. Had I just said I loved her? Those unspoken words had just passed through my thoughts silently, but I did not fear them. Could I tell her those words and mean them earnestly? I had not dared breathed those words to her before. Hermione finally sat at the edge of the bed, close enough for me to reach out and pull her down. Which I did, because I had the need to tell her those words. I wanted to say 'I love you, Hermione Granger' to her. Yet when I looked at her face, the words failed and died away. For the first time, I realized I was afraid of them, terrified that I might scare her away. Still, that didn't make sense, I had never been scared of them when she breathed them into my ear.

"Pansy, do you really love me?" Her voice surprised me. "Is everything that is happening really worth it?"

Dear Merlin, she was crying and caressing my face as I held her by my side. Even if it weren't true, how could I say no to the beauty that became her when she cried? Thankfully, I believed it was worth it, but I still could not find the strength to say that. Instead, I kissed her mouth and felt her inhale as she choked back a sob. It dawned on me that I would drive her mad if I continued to beat around the bush like this. Rolling on top of her, I wiped away her tears and smiled at her.

"You worry too much, Hermione. Do you think I would sacrifice everything for anything else?"

Yes, I was eluding the main question, I know, but she seemed relieved by my answer nonetheless. Her mouth came back to mine, her hands seeking shelter along my back and shoulders. The guilt I had been feeling owing to my lack of empathy was forgotten, for the moment at least. Right now, my mind and body hungered for the wild-haired maiden who was undoing the zipper to my robe as she devoured my mouth with her own. Frustratingly, a knock came at the door just as I had almost entirely drowned myself in Hermione's embrace. Running a hand through my hair, I could've screamed. Due to the current stress of the situation with the Great House's feud, we had not been intimate in two weeks. I was feeling half bonkers as I gently pushed Hermione to the side and jumped off the bed, ready to give half my mind to the person knocking. When I swung the door open, Professor Snape stood in all his dark glory on the other side. This did not bode well for some reason.

"Professor! ," I cried, trying to think of a polite way to ask him what the hell he wanted.

"Enough frivolities, Ms. Parkinson. I have only dropped by on orders of the Headmaster." He paused, peering past me at Hermione with a small sneer. With effort, I kept my mouth shut, I respected Professor Snape far too much to let his dislike of my girlfriend get in the way. His cold, dark eyes fell back on me as he continued. "Dumbledore wishes me to keep an eye on the two of you, but I have no time for that. Therefore, I shall camouflage the doors to this room to appear as just another part of the wall. However, once the spell is in place, this door may not be open for any reason unless by myself or the Headmaster. Is that clear?"

"So we've become prisoners? ," Hermione shouted behind me from the bed, where I hoped she would stay. "Just because some prats are making a big deal of nothing! This is incredulous!"

"Shut your trap, Ms. Granger. I am not the one in charge of this situation, the Headmaster is. So take your babbling to him." Snape spat at the Gryffindor. Now I was feeling scared, but more so mad. The blatant disrespect toward Hermione was wearing at my patience. Keeping my cool, however, I found my words and spoke loudly to help my nerves.

"Professor, I apologize for the inconvenience. Nevertheless, if we are kept here like caged owls, how are we to attend classes or eat our meals, sir?" The last word was closely followed by a small sigh of relief from the bed. I had taken care to think of what Hermione had really meant to ask.

From a satchel I had not noticed earlier, he withdrew two cloaks with a strange design and a long blue feather and handed the items to me. Upon examination of the cloaks I found they were invisible on the opposite side of the design! "The Headmaster instructed me to give you these items. The Invisibility Cloaks are so you can attend classes without causing chaos in the classrooms. The feather is enchanted to wipe away the last five minutes of a person's memory. Use it if you manage to reveal yourself to someone by accident. Just swipe it across their eyes. However, it can only be used once on a person. As for your food, you'll eat here. Your food will come to you." Snape scowled at this and stepped back from the door, I stepped back as well. The doors swung shut before I could think of anything else to say.

Hermione climbed off the bed, and wrapped her arms around my neck from behind. Holding the items Professor Snape had given me, I suddenly began to grasp onto our dire little situation. The cloaks and feather fell from my hands as I turned to face Hermione, my love. Burying my head against her shoulder I began to sob, embarrassed that I was doing it in front of her. She just held me tighter until I longed had stopped. If this was what being in love was about, then I wondered what the whole point was? I continued to wonder this as I allowed Hermione to lead me to the bed where I laid down and quickly faced away from Hermione. I heard her move away slowly and busy herself with something that sounded strangely like parchment and a quill. Perhaps homework? That would be like her. Leave me as I brood and wander off to do homework.

Angrily, I yanked a pillow over my head to drown out the scribbling coming from the table in the corner. A million angry thoughts flooded my mind as I lay there. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized how stupid and childish I was being. Hermione was taking a shower when I awoke feeling the worst for wear. On the table a spread of parchment paper caught my eye. Walking up to it, I noticed it was a letter to me from Hermione. It was incredibly long and I suspected she had been up for a long time after I had fallen asleep, working on it. In short, the letter read like a romance novel but with more apologizing and references to kinky things I had only dreamed about. By the end of the letter, I was crying uncontrollably. Not only because of what the letter said, but because of the horrible things I had thought about after I cried on Hermione's shoulder. When I was done with the letter, I folded it gently and placed it in a small inside pocket of my school robe, which hung next to Hermione's in the wardrobe.

Without knocking, I entered the shower room without the slightest bit of shame. This wasn't the first time I had seen Hermione naked, however, it was the first time I had seen her naked and wet with something other than tears or cum and sweat. She was gorgeous standing there under a stream of water. A deep sadness past over me though because I could see that she was or had been crying. Her eyes were swollen and her face red, it was obvious neither related to the water. Before the shock of my intrusion wore off, I stripped off my clothing and entered the shower, glad for the warm water. I embraced my girlfriend and thought back to that day I had first encountered her crying. That night in the classroom seemed so far away and strange, but that mood of somberness was the same then as it was now. I hated it with every fiber of my being.

"Hermione, I must tell you something." For a second I thought my words had been drowned out by the water beating against our bodies. Yet so close to her ear I should've known better.

"What's the matter, Pansy?" I think I caught a glimmer of panic in her eyes for a moment.

"You and I dating and being so intimate is still such a strange feeling for me despite our time together. However, I've learned so much from you and I know what a nuisance I can be. Personally, you deserve better than someone like me. Anyone would be better than me, but still you stay. More importantly, I stay, even despite the odds." Pausing, I felt Hermione's body tense against mine. "What I want to say is thank you and I love you," I said the last three words so quickly that I thought she hadn't heard them. She sighed with relief.

"You definitely are a nuisance but I've come to love that as just another part of your being. And thank you too."

"For what?" I asked.

"For not only loving me but looking so bloody beautiful in your moment of sharing." She smiled so I knew she was teasing.

"Cheeky monkey." I smiled back and kissed her. What we did after that can easily be left to the imagination.

**To Be Continued**

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**End note:** I just wanted to say that this was my second attempt at writing a novel length fic (the first was Love and Guns which was so-so). I know it's only one chapter but I suspect the second chapter will be just as long. Feedback will be appreciated greatly though.


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